Posts tagged ‘Personal’

By Amrita Misra

My sister (a software engineer in India) had an essay competition. The topic was “Career and Marriage- Can women have best of both the worlds?” She wanted my opinion on it and I opined:

I will not answer this question; I will simply try to critically analyze it briefly instead. I feel that the basis of the question is flawed. It indicates certain assumptions that should be discouraged; for example

1. assuming men have the best of both worlds
2. assuming women need to struggle disproportionately in order to achieve the best of both worlds
3. assuming that career is an addition to the (traditional) role of women
4. assuming that women have not found a way to juggle home and job duties satisfactorily

Secondly, who defines what is “best of the worlds”? And whose aspirations are we discussing:

1. of the chauvinist husbands of the “career-women”
2. of the patriarchal society, which dictates what’s family and what’s happiness for women
3. of the “career-women” who have “circumstantially” attained education and job, and yet adhere to the traditional notion of marriage which cannot provide an equitable position to women

The question is not only pitting the condition of women against men from a very sexist and conventional lens, it is also overlooking the social conditions that are maintaining the subjugation of women. The question is a very male centric question, which showcases a very natural concern of the male centric society.

Why should it be any less/more difficult for women to have the best of both worlds than men? It is a great matter of concern because we are unwilling to break the cocoon of our knowledge/expectations of what the role of men and women should be.

If work is a part of life, so is marriage; may it be the work of a homemaker or moneymaker or money-cum-homemaker. Traditional marriages are more of an economic subjugation of women, than the need of women to be “homemakers” or the belief that children need the mothers to be at home.

What kind of careers are we talking about? If you remember/notice that we always had women around us with “careers”. The housemaids, female-laborers, female-farmers, and female-construction workers etc., have been juggling home and work (for ages) just like men, and owning more responsibilities than men. Nobody showed any concern to their well being? Then we had teachers, secretaries, nurses, clerks etc., making a little more than the ones mentioned above, who always have been a part of India’s economy. And most of them had families.

Thus, viewing it from another angle it might seem that, as the earning power of women is increasing, and the range of careers they are infiltrating into is broadening, the apprehensions for the wellbeing of the family unit and the ability of women to secure the best of two worlds is growing. The women are marching on to claim their economic independence; however the basic societal unit, i.e. the traditional family structure and roles are not keeping up with the change. Additionally, the government and the corporate sectors, which are primarily male-dominated, have not been able to restructure in order to accommodate the changes that are required to re-weave the social fabric and make it more favorable for women and children.

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What Do I Write About

He asked me why I don’t write poems anymore
I wondered myself
I realized I was often sad as a teenager
Sad for reasons that I created within
I hunted for loneliness, spent time in darkness
I loved being by myself in the night on the terrace for hours
Not a moment of stillness though
I used to lose myself in thoughts
Thoughts, at times, which I would not dare to think in the daylight
I discovered a lot about myself & the extent to which I could imagine
I could have become a writer, a novelist…but I was content thinking
My mind was shrouded with conventions
Few choking experiences and many unfulfilled desires
Few mundane things that seemed natural, were nevertheless shackles
I was breaking free in my imaginings,
However, only because I didn’t like them
I did not understand why I didn’t
And in this confusion I minced words to form poems
At times the poems stated obvious desires
At times vicarious pain, very individualistic
At times meandering purposefully to attract attention
To the fact that all’s not well
They said that I was rebellious
They said I was belligerent unnecessarily
I was like that with those who were mine, family
I wish I were like that with others
But I couldn’t learn to, they made me cultured
Many a times it is still difficult to say what I feel

Who do I blame?
I feel my heart sinks with each pulse
I blame my work, people I work with
The conditions I work in
The reasons I work for
Yet, I have what one would “kill for”
I have to search for reasons to be sad
And I find them
Family, friends, obligations, responsibilities, aspirations,
Expectations, work, money, future,
Others, war, war mongers, innocent lives on the line, selfish sectors, diseases, poverty, oppressed, opulence, indifference, deceit
Nothing has changed, history of human emotions and sufferings
Long before me and now things still echo deja vu
Sadness is for tomorrow which shall carry over the echo

Why?
We know perhaps
Maybe poems can help
At least help me vent my frustration
Or others’ frustrations through my words
Just some more strokes in the history of resistance
Soon to be overpowered, yet again, by those who have money, those who have power, those who need to protect what they have looted & those with God by their side
I know, yet I write

Why?

~Amrita

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