So Much for Courtesy
It was an overcrowded bus, during rush hour, in Manhattan.
I felt literally drained and was more than happy to have
secured a seat. To my courtesy's luck a young girl (about
13yrs old) stepped into the bus with her mother. The girl
was holding a piece of pizza on a paper plate. And the
mother-daughter combo drifted through the crowd and found a
place to stand right in front of me. Oh well! I had to give
up my seat. There were no elderly, pregnant women, or
anybody with canes around & .so I thought this young
girl (balancing a pizza slice) would be more deserving than
me to have a seat. So I offered her my seat. She was
delighted and thanked me profusely. And as we were
exchanging our positions, the bus braked and my backpack
hit the girl's paper plate &..and plop! The pizza was
on the floor, twisted, and a pepperoni piece landed on
someone''s shoe. I bet I looked like I had seen a ghost at
that moment, and the girl's face was blushing. I said sorry
and she said its ok. It was the courteous faux-pas of the
year and it was not ok. I said sorry over and over, and the
girl's face turned sadder and sadder. I could think of only
one thing to do, be courteous again. Before my stop, I
offered her 3 bucks, and said have another slice, it will
make me feel better. The sparks in her eyes were back and
she gladly accepted the greens and I alighted the bus
feeling better about myself.
Studying in a catholic school for the first 7 yrs of my
school life, I learnt most of the courteousness rules that
I was supposed to from my Anglo-Indian teachers and sisters
(desi -nuns); "thank you", "sorry", "excuse me", "to
smile", "eat with closed mouth and less noise", and
"greeting" being among the must knows. Now I feel, it was
more an arduous effort to imitate our masters than becoming
good human beings. At home, my parents also had their
notions of being courteous, i.e. use common sense. For
example, if there were a big stone (or banana peel, more
importantly) in middle of a walkway it had to be picked
up/kicked away from the path, lest someone should get hurt.
Well, I figured out "simply being nice" could be the way to
go. At times I would not want to be nice but something
within would force me to become courteous, e.g. with bosses
or despicable people, damn me! But then there are instances
when I would not know what courtesy would demand, so it is
much simpler to be just nice.
However, defining nice is a difficult task, as different
individuals would have different view points about being
nice, depending on their personal experiences and social
location. So, I switched to courtesy reluctantly. What
should courtesy involve? For me, I guess, it would be
providing needful (probably legitimate) assistance to
someone other than oneself and acknowledging such an action
verbally (or otherwise) when bestowed onto oneself by
others.
I feel saddened and angered (more often) when I see that
courtesy is not as common place as I expect. And I do not
mean the lip service "thank you" "how are you" kind of
statements one could hear echoing across the civilized
populace. I mean the genuine instinct to be nice and feel
good about being nice (rather than feeling proud).
According to a recent report, Uncommon Courtesy, by
Reader"s Digest, NYC proved to be the most courteous city
(among big cities in 35 countries). Well, a quirky smile
escaped my lips, since it was not "Great" Britain. However,
living in NYC since last couple of months, I was a little
dismayed by the standards upheld by RD. And my dismay
springs from witnessing (mostly in the public transport)
discourteousness being displayed shamelessly in the city in
public by alarmingly high number of people. One would see
people with canes standing by the subway-train doors, while
young men and women listlessly drooling on seats marked
"Priority seating for disabled"; or for the matter a
pregnant woman standing in front of a man dressed
immaculately in a suit (apparently without a physical
disability) sitting with a Metro newspaper and acting as if
he cannot see the woman.
I feel that such instances are a reflection of how people
feel towards others (strangers) in general….i.e.
indifferent. Although we are all huddled in almost the same
condition we have mastered the art to shelter our
individualistic interests even when the situation demands
otherwise and we do not see anything wrong in it. No wonder
then that we are living in a country which is at war, and
we do not even feel the pinch of human suffering. Our daily
chores are not interrupted, we are reporting to work
ceaselessly, and losing our consciousness in the sole
pursuit of protecting "me & mine".
Courtesy is mauled when I see hundreds of homeless
sprawling the city streets and in subway stations. It is
mauled when I see women, the elderly, and people with
disabilities on the trains and buses begging. It is mauled
when artists offer their skills for pennies on the stations
or streets. It is mauled when I witness people with
disabilities coming in at my workplace for "vocational
rehabilitation" or "vocational evaluations" and being
judged by the standards of the "non-disabled". It is mauled
when I read about violence being unleashed on women and
children incessantly".. and courtesy is going haywire, but
it doesn't hurt enough I guess.
So much for courtesy! I will be content in being nice (and
angry), as and when necessary.
Amrita
09.23.06
Comments:
1. Aradhana Oct 7, 2006 4.02 AM
ur intention was so good … but aaahh !!wat a tragedy …
true there is inhumanity, cruelity… but still we r thriving
without any reaction n efforts to remove it.
we cannot take time out of our busy lives to do something
good for others.
but here u r taking baby-steps in ur own way to curb the
evils … by writing …
thats great .
keep it up.
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